Practices To Get Rid Of The Fear Of Being Judged / Criticized By Those Around You
/Practices To Get Rid Of The Fear Of Being Judged / Criticized By Those Around You
The most important thing is to feel good in our skin. And that should be enough. We often walk in fear of being judged unfavorably by those around us. And this hurts us excessively, not only in the small things we do but also in the significant decisions. We somehow seek the approval of others, their validation. And we come to the end of our lives, wondering why we wasted so much time in vain, instead of being free and happy.
Let's get rid of this fear, and I propose a few activities (which you can adapt, of course). You can quickly, easily validate yourself only in terms of your actions, what do you do, and not by small and insignificant things that say nothing actually about someone.
All of the following actions will not harm anyone. It's not helpful to "free" ourselves if we bother someone else in the process. Furthermore, many of the following activities will generate many disapproving, critical glances, but don't worry, and you shouldn't care, because all those expressions are in vain.
We all are thinking about, "what does X say, or does X think about me?" X being someone unknown, whom you will probably never see again. And yes, someone can stare at you with a look that we can interpret as disapproving. Or maybe that person is just having a bad day, and that look has nothing to do with you. As long as you don't do anything wrong or harm someone else with your action, you should never be afraid to express yourself.
Walk around the city dressed very modestly. Not dirty, but either very modest or crazy, as crazy as possible. Or in a strange suit.
Go barefoot. It is a bit risky in some places because there are shards, needles (on some beaches), etc. Be careful, and don't do it anywhere.
Go to the beach and when you see an area with sunbeds (not private beach) and stay just with your towel directly on the sand. Make sure you are noticed, go as close as possible to the water. Yes, someone will look at you like you are homeless. Practice until you feel great and not only ignore it (that means you care), but it will leave you cold with any looks of any kind from the "other side".
Shave your head, or make a "weird" cut or dye your hair in a crazy color. There is nothing permanent. You can also buy a wig until your hair grows if you see that the burden is too hard to bear. Or you can take a more "weird" wig from the start.
Go to a restaurant and eat alone. This is one of my favorite activities! Don't think about anyone around you.
Talk to someone you don't know, and you probably won't. We sometimes see people we are attracted to. They have something special. I didn't make friends from casual interactions, but somehow I always felt it was my place to encourage that person or admire him/her for something. Sometimes I even had long discussions. Strangers who, at some point, share things they don't say to those they talk to daily. And that goes on, each with a piece of inspiration. If you feel like talking to someone, exchanging a word, etc., don't censor yourself. Nothing happens. What could be worst? Not to be answered? And what matters in this case?
Go to a restaurant (again solo) and order only a coffee or a glass of wine. Ignore the eyes of the waiters. Leave a huge tip. Not to be practiced during lunch, dinner/lunch, but during crowded hours.
Put some temporary tattoos from the sticker ones. Or draw something if from a distance it can look authentic. To be as visible as possible. Go to the supermarket.
At the pharmacy, ask for something "taboo", but out loud: the morning-after pill, or lice lotions, or Viagra, etc. You don't even have to buy them, and you can give up because it's not exactly what you want and takes something else (sun protection derma creams, if you use them, or some vitamins or Omega 3, you know so you don't just bother the pharmacist for no reason).
Ask permission to go to the toilet at a bar/restaurant, even if you are not a customer. Just ask permission and offer to pay for use. Incredible, but I have met many people who are afraid to enter a hotel and ask for permission to use the public toilet. (now in the time of COVID -19 this is harder, but anyway, to remember).
Have a beer in the morning at a cafe (if you drink beer, or wine, or gin). Prosecco or champagne is out of the question because they have already entered "use". Even many wellness hotels offer champagne or prosecco for breakfast.
Go on holiday alone. I know there are a lot of people now that solo-travel and it's becoming a thing, but when you have many friends, and you decide to go alone somewhere, it makes it more exciting and definitely you are going out of your comfort zone.
I learned that it's not about me or how someone perceives me at some point, it's just about who I am and how happy I feel to be me. I am lucky to have good instincts, so I never actually been in danger, but this is an essential aspect of life - feel good with yourself.
A special mention: the questioning
Refuse to answer if you do not feel like interrogating questions! Are you married, what do salary have, do you have a house, how old are you, how do you make money from X and so on, etc.
You need to have the courage not to justify your choice. Yes, it is everyone's right to say what they want about themselves, not to answer questions and not to have to explain themselves.
It is normal to choose to do what you want with the information about you. It's your job, anyway, whoever insists after you avoided any personal question, has a problem. In fact, this is a clear signal of manipulative, or dominant behavior, or problematic people anyway: insist on doing/saying what you give clear signs that you do not want. It's like saying to themselves: prove to me that you're not "like that…." by doing what I want. But actually, it's not my job, or your job, dear reader, to prove anything. If the person chooses to believe you or not, that is entirely their problem.
This type of "bullying" behavior where someone is forcing you to do something you don't want is exactly what I wanted to avoid by sharing the above activities. Personally, I run away from people who try to force me to say something, and the more they insist, the harder it is for me to have any discussion or to build a trustful friendship.
